Lloyds Bank gives us a dozen free cinema tickets every year, possibly to make up for the appallingly, embarrassingly low interest rate they pay us for letting them lend our money out to others at appallingly, embarrassingly high interest rates !
Last night Shirley suddenly said something about it being a shame that we hadn't used them as they were about to go out of date so looking up to see what might tempt us we discovered West Side Story would be starting in forty minutes but as she couldn't bear the thought of sitting in a crowded auditorium with a face mask on she persuaded me to form a vanguard and sus it out on my own !
There were ten others in the vast hall and I sat in a posh seat stuffing the bag of sweets that I'd been sent with to stop me spending twenty quid on a dried up hot dog and a monstrously large bucket of tasteless popcorn washed down with two litres of Coke like everyone else has when they go to the pictures !
I somehow got through the interminable adverts and trailers without falling too deeply asleep and reached for my first sweet as the main attraction started.
My hand kept bumping against a large bag of tightly bound something in the sweet bag that irritated me beyond words and after demolishing a hundred mint imperials and twenty humbugs I yanked it out to see what was in it, hopefully some toast or a cold sausage I was thinking as I struggled to open a plastic bag rolled solid with a nasty sharp rubber band preventing it spilling its contents !
I was probably swearing quite audibly as the band snapped off and whacked into my face and snorting in fury as I unrolled whatever it was, only to find that there was absolutely nothing in the bag at all....NOTHING !
"Oh how funny Shirley !" I muttered, "Very amusing !"
I still had two and a quarter hours to go, I was STARVING and my stomach was growling, disturbing the nearest couple who were sitting about thirty feet from me !
Boy it certainly warmed up as I sat in my Tshirt, shirt, three jumpers and my winter coat, so warm in fact that I was sweating by the end and couldn't wait to get out !
The full horror of what had actually happened revealed itself this morning when I put my coat on and discovered that the entire front of it was CAKED in chocolate that had melted off the chocolate peanuts that I had poured out of the already opened bag and straight onto myself without realising it because I had held the bag upside down !
No wonder the usherettes looked astonished, shocked and horrified when I raised my trilby to them on my way out and bid them a good evening !
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