SALLY...PART 219 ! MAN WASHES UP TEASPOON !

I mostly do NOTHING in my kitchen apart from making a mug of coffee because A) I have a relentless work schedule in my next door workshop and B) Shirley or my children could never STAND to eat anything I ever tried to cook and C) I use every implement in the place just to boil an egg and D) I use too much hot water to wash up and then don't stand the cutlery the right way up or the plates leaning the right way so I stay out !

HOWEVER, this morning I had to go and pick up Daniel who I'd been told knew how to turn his dishwasher on but dishwashers irritate me as I think that they make naturally lazy people even lazier !

Even Daniel at ten has no patience with me but DID show me how to place the soap in the slot and pour some rinsing aid into its pot !

He's clever but I still washed up my coffee mug and teaspoon in his sink as I'm pretty sure he would have criticised me if I hadn't !

I LIKE washing up and rinsing things PROPERLY and it's the same with ironing...I ENJOY it...and I enjoy HOOVERING, especially the EDGES !

I wouldn't even mind using a mangle which has no place in a modern home and which I remember watching my frazzled mother use, Sally of the Blog title, struggling to turn the handle as she wrecked her five sons' clothes in it !

I don't mind cleaning the toilet or the tiles or the mould that regularly reappears on the bathroom grouting, for which I keep an old toothbrush at the extreme left hand edge of the bathroom windowsill and it is a toothbrush that led to a bit of tension early this morning !

My own toothbrush sits on its own just to the right of the mould removal toothbrush and Shirley used MINE to clean around the base of the taps which is MY job !

I didn't mean to grab it out of her hand quite so aggressively and pointlessly as I wouldn't be using it again and this resulted in some quite beastly name calling and general tantrums as my explanation of which is the cleaning toothbrush didn't sink in and wasn't helped by the fact that there were two other old toothbrushes in the cleaning toothbrushes position !

I had NO proper answer to her questions of why I hadn't thrown the other two out and why I hadn't cleaned around the bottom of the taps in the first place which would have saved her having to do a job which wasn't hers to do !

She then threw 'Michael' back in my face and told me to get back to him before my life turned bleak once I'd been off Facebook for over five minutes !

She went back to bed because she now only sleeps for a minute and a half most nights, including getting up for three if not four wees during that time and I slyly went and cooked myself an eggy bread which I only burnt on one side !

Just as I had finished eating and gathered the twenty items I'd used to take to the sink Shirley reappeared, more irritable with me than ever because the noise of the spatula being placed quietly on the glued together cooking implement dish had woken her up and ordered me to get out as she couldn't bear to see the mess I'd make or pull out the settee and insert the bent handle to pull open the meter cupboard door to check the electric meter to see how much  electricity I'd use boiling three kettles for the washing up !

So now things have calmed down and I can get back to work before being summoned through for my daily thrashing at Scrabble !

SALLY...Part 218. THE BLOODY HUNT REVISITED ! https://davidnashleather.blogspot.com/2012/02/interludethats-all-i-need-bloody-hunt.html

THE SIGN MIGHT HAVE BEEN ALTERED SLIGHTLY BUT THE POSE IS GENUINE AS WE WAITED FOR NO ONCOMING TRAFFIC TO PASS AND THE LIGHTS TO CHANGE !

It's years since Shirley was terrified by the sound of The Hunt hurtling along the lane we were walking up back to the town on Lindisfarne and although The Hunt turned out to be a crowing cockerel and a yappy Jack Russell she was nervous as we set out on a freezing walk around the castle and back up a different lane !

BLINDING LIGHT AND A CRUEL WIND !

She wanted to walk even further, like a couple more miles but I went all brave and God knows where I dug that out of and insisted on a shortcut !

ALREADY QUITE SOME WAY AHEAD OF ME !

She's ALWAYS walked further than necessary or than is sensible for someone who generally doesn't do much long distance walking or anything else very physical as a rule and I dread things once I see her reading from her list of requirements and watch in horror as she gathers enough stuff to last a month in the Antarctic which I'm going to have to carry in an SAS sized rucksack as I plod wearily after her as she strides along in her Brasher boots whilst I struggle after her dressed in cheap unwaterproofed trainers through which I can feel every tiny pebble !

THE RECEPTION COMMITTEE LINED UP READY TO WELCOME THE FISHERMAN HOME !

As the gap between us grows longer and her demands fade thankfully into thin air I find myself staring at her quite short legs and wonder how she does it...she actually, at five feet, walks faster than I can at six feet !

I was skirting a beach when the unbelieveable happened, a REAL hunting horn blared out and I, normally calm, jumped out of my skin and ran forwards to catch my wife before she fainted clean away but she didn't appear terror struck because she realised that the blast was actually her incoming message alert tone on her ancient Iphone 4 which she had stuffed into my chest pocket !

I BELIEVE HE FELT LIKE ME !

It didn't help that I was wearing ear muffs and a thick woollen hat pulled right down to my eyebrows which made it impossible for me to place the sound accurately and also made it impossible for any passing woman to EVER fancy me ! Actually, wearing long white woollen gloves under my ski gloves and which stuck out creating a particularly uncool look also ensured no passing woman would fancy me, as did my second hand Wrangler jeans that have a waist band that continually slips down my backside adding to my overall look of something even a dog wouldn't drag in !

NO WIND ? WELL WHAT'S THAT THEN.....WITH BAMBURGH CASTLE IN THE BACKGROUND !

I bravely refused to sit on a damp beach whilst she reapplied her anti thigh rub gel and turned for home down a lane that lay under several feet of mud and puddles and slopped my way back to the Mead shop where I discovered that 'Dark' Mead is delicious and added several bottles to the rucksack that had rubbed great welts into my shoulders and staggered back to the car and watched in horror as my wife, now running with sweat in the -1*C, to her, heatwave and that I was shivering in, reached for the atlas, intent on finding somewhere else to go !

YES, I HAD TO PLODGE THROUGH THIS IN CHEAP THIN UNWATERPROOFED TRAINERS WHILST MY WIFE MARCHED CONFIDENTLY AND DRILY ALONG IN HER BRASHER BOOTS !

I'M REALLY HAPPY JUST TO LOOK AT LINDIFARNE FROM MY CAFE TABLE IN 'THE BARN AT BEAL' !