"Can you take this with you ?" It wasn't really a question, more of a getting told what to do thing, as I was handed 'my' mobile phone as I was setting out by bike looking like a stupid Christmas tree with the bobble on my 'woollen' hat bobbling ridiculously happily as if the man beneath it was happy which he wasn't and never is and now never will be again !
I don't actually own a mobile phone that I've signed up for and refuse to as I loathe the intrusion into a life that no-one is slightly interested in !
But our offspring have handed them on when the technology that supported them originally became so outdated that they were of no further use to them....so mine's the pink one and Shirley's is the red one and I am now forced to carry mine when I take the two and seven year olds to the Metro Centre in case I die and the stranger who finds me can look up the emergency numbers and phone a family member of mine who will only be concerned about the children and not me, once they've worked their way through my wallet which is tied to my belt so I don't leave it in a shop !
Anyway so I cycled to the chemist to collect Shirley's statins....YES ! She's finally having to take a drug !....and on the way back, as I was cycling across the field the town's fog horn went off which was odd, I thought on top of what I was already thinking about my next Facebook posting, as the day was clear....and it annoyed me and all the women out walking their dogs as the sound became more shrill and insistent and they were all staring at ME, tutting and shaking their heads at each other !
Eventually it dawned though my skull that the sound was coming from inside my poacher's pocket and was from the phone which was sitting under my facemask and Shirley's bag of drugs and that meant stopping the bike in the middle of the enemy who stared at me even more ferociously whilst I grabbed the bag, dropped my facemask in the mud and brought out the by now screaming phone into which I punched the easily forgotten code but which WOULDN'T stop making its racket !
By now the dogs were all howling in unison with the STUPID bell tones wailing out of the speaker and so I stuffed the idiot machine back into my pocket and doing my privates an injury as I bent down too quickly to pick up my three month old soiled mask which probably has more germs embedded in it than an old first world war gangrene dressing, launched myself homeward !
I arrived back flustered to be met at the door by a triumphant wife exclaiming, "I could see you the whole way there and back again !"
Well I'm not having it I tell you...I'm NOT being traced and followed...I'm just NOT !
My daughter traces her husband and I think it's the final straw !
"Oh look !", she'll say to her mother, "He's in Screwfix !"
"Ooh !" her mother replies, "I could do with seeing what your father gets up to ! Set mine up for me will you ?"
So here I am, the final barrier gone. No chance of lying ever again !
Not that I've got anything to hide....but if I did....................................................
No comments:
Post a Comment