When I was about twenty one and had moved to Brighton I suddenly got an urge to become a medic and was offered an initial place as a nursing auxiliary to see if I was basically suited to things.
Let me first explain what an auxilliary nurse is...they are nothing...they have no qualifications or medical knowledge and are essentially skivvies.
It wasn't long before I was doggy paddling cluelessly in a world I had no idea existed but having sat nuns on bedpans, cleaned up doubly incontinent patients and packed out gaping bedsores I felt ready to face just about anything after two hours on the job and was very relaxed about ending my shift in A&E.
I was summoned to a cubicle to attend two surgeons who were assessing a young woman with appendicitis and whilst they were playing their part lower down her body I stood at the top end reassuring her that everything was going to be fine, like I'd seen nurses do on Emergency Ward 10 !
I was probably thinking about getting to the beach to sleep and sunbathe after work when my daydream was interrupted by one of the surgeons saying, "Right nurse, we're going to operate straight away so will you shave this charming young lady and change her into a gown ?" Surgeons always call people 'charming'...I think it must be a part of their training.
I looked closely at her face and and holding both my hands open towards it in a sort of doubting way and screwing up my face into a ''Are you sure ?' questioning way motioned at her perfectly smooth skin and with disbelief in my voice said, "Shave her doctor ?"
"Yes please, that's what I said !" he replied a little tersely I thought but my role was not really to question a doctor even when I was at a loss, so I lathered her face with shaving foam and sharpened the cut throat razor on the strop and was just about to grip the end of her nose and start the job when an extremely angry man shouted, "STOP ! What do you think you're doing nurse ?"
"You said shave her Sir, did I misshear you ?"
"How long have you been a nurse, nurse ?", he barked, staring at his colleague in disbelief who stood stock still with his jaw dropped nearly to the floor !
"This is my first night Sir but I'm pretty sure I won't mangle a simple shave !"
"Stop what you're doing and get out you complete idiot ! Go to Matron NOW and tell her I said you're sacked and you're NEVER darken these doors again !"
I didn't actually go to the Matron but simply walked back to my locker, took my slightly stained white jacket off and flung it in there before returning in some confusion to my bedsit which was overrun with mice and picking up the local paper started to look through the jobs section to see if there was anything else that might suit me better.
"AHA !" I said out loud after my eyes alighted on, "Leather worker wanted...no experience necessary !", I think I'll give that a go next....and here I am, fifty years later, still with no real experience, a leather worker and Leader of a virtually unknown Facebook photographic group called 'THE LEAST SUCCESSFUL PHOTOGRAPHIC GROUP EVER !'
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