Sally-Part 135. I'VE SEEN YOUR OFFTAKES AND I WEEP FOR ALL OF YOU ON A SALARY ?

IN THE DAYS BEFORE I DISCOVERED THAT I WAS ONE DAY GOING TO GROW OLD !

I've spent my entire working life as a self-employed man, earning just about enough to pay a mortgage for twenty five years and bring up three kids. Life was a bottomless pit into which I poured all my earnings and had I chosen to pay for Designer clothes for my brats I would have ended up in enormous debt !

In fact, had I not had a clever wife who explained Mr. McCawber's Law to me I would have ended up in debtor's jail with my Range Rover repossessed ! I have not done so primarily because it was put to me that eight miles to a gallon was not a very clever idea and so I drive a sensible diesel car that even gets pointed at and laughed at by children and looks like it was designed for a hunchback !

I have put a sign in the back window which says ' THIS IS NOT A MOTABILITY VEHICLE AND I DID NOT GET GIVEN IT UNDER A THOROUGHLY ABUSED GOVERNMENT SCHEME ! I OWN IT !' but it hasn't helped matters much !

Of course my Peugeot Partner Tepee is a perfectly good car though I'm sure that when I come to part-ex it for a new one in six months I'll have some thug of a salesman sucking his teeth and telling me that had it not been for my original colour choice of dark puke the car would have been worth considerably more !

Anyway, when my time for retirement came a couple of months ago I was informed that after forty five years of paying my 'stamp' I'd receive £110 per week and HOW, I would like to know, am I supposed to live on THAT ?

Of course Shirley gets some more on top for having worked two full years sometime in pre-history for which we are grateful and we could just about manage on that if we stopped eating and wasting fuel on heating, I mean ANY heating !

"SO what about a private pension? " I hear you shout !

Well, a brother of mine who worked in the industry offered me a commission-free one when I was forty which promised me £80 per week if I paid £50 a month for twenty five years .That monthly figure was three quarters of my mortgage then so if you could imagine yourselves paying out an additional monthly lump for twenty five years on top of your horrendous mortgage or rent payments now then you'll understand the pain !

But it was MUCH worse than that. His company's documents suggested that as it's predicted value of my £80 would have the buying power of the equivalent of £12 by the then day's standards I might like to consider upping my payments by a multiple of ten !

Well it was quite out of the question and I'm only glad that I'm able to carry on working full time and have actually never been busier !

But I genuinely weep for all of you in well paid jobs for I have seen your offtakes ! Quite dispiritingly scandalous !