MAGIC MUSHROOMS !
My oldest son has developed an interest in fungi and when he and my other son Julian joined Shirley and me on Colonsay last week he spent quite a lot of time examining as many varieties of them as he could find !
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| " WHAT D'YOU RECKON JONNY, EDIBLE OR DEADLY ? " "WELL JULES WITH MY EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE I RECKON WE CAN TAKE 'EM HOME AND FRY 'EM UP WITH GARLIC AND RED WINE !" |
We played a great deal of golf when the weather permitted and this also allowed his chosen field of study to benefit as cow pats are a particularly healthy environment for toadstools to flourish !
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| "WHAT DO YOU RECKON JULIAN, MUSHROOMS OR TOADSTOOLS ? " " I HAVE NO IDEA JONNY ! HOW DO YOU TELL THE DIFFERENCE ?" |
But then suddenly on the far side of the airstrip-divided golf course I spotted some unusually large mushrooms and we went to investigate and were we surprised !
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| "WELL JULIAN, I THINK MUSHROOMS GROW ON GRASS AND TOADSTOOLS GROW IN COW POO OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT !" " OH JONNY, YOU ARE SO CLEVER ! I'M GLAD THAT YOU'RE MY BIG BROTHER!" |
Jonathan, with his wide-ranging knowledge of the entire Universe quickly identified them as edible and selected the four fattest ones for lunch !
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| "GOOD JOB THE ISLAND'S DOCTOR IDENTIFIED THEM AS EDIBLE EH JULES ? LET'S GET IN THE KITCHEN AND GET COOKING !" |
We didn't pick them then but first played the final seven holes before getting in the car and driving back through flooded muddy tracks to collect them before calling in at the Island shop for garlic and wine after showing them to the Doctor who agreed that they were field mushrooms and perfectly safe to eat !
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| "YOUSE GET THE PAN ON JULES AN I'LL GAN ON WITH THE CHOPPIN LIKE ! I'SE RECKON ON FOWER HOOLE CLOVES SHUD DEE IT LIKE ! GAWD THAT REEKS LIKE DIVEN'T IT ?" |
The boys set to cooking them, filling the house with the stench of far too much garlic before sitting down in the garden to eat their bounty, watched by their mother and I who both refused to touch them in fear of a grotesque death !
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| " GET THEM THINGS OOT OF MY HOOSE ! AH DIVVENT NA WHAT YOUSE THINKS YOUSE DOIN BRINGIN THEM BACK HEEAR ! THEMS'LL KILL YOUSE STOWERN DEED LIKE, YER PAIRS OF FOOWELLS !" |
Well they didn't die but it looks like a worrying time for them as they waited to !
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| " HEH JULES ! TRY TEE LOOK LIKE YURS NOT DYIN OF GARLIC STENCH ! OOH AN IS THEMS PINEAPPLE PIES FOR PUDDIN ? LUSH ! YEE WANTS SOME DA ? NOAH ? WELL JUST YEES WATCH JULES AN I SCOFF THE LOT LIKE !" |
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| "PHWOAR! WAS THAT YOUSE LIKE JULES ? THAT REALLY STINKS !" " YE NARS THAT DOCTOR SAYS LIKE THAT THEY WAS EDIBLE ? WELL I THINK I'M DYIN JONNY !" |
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