Sally-Part 104. JONATHAN AND JAY'S WEDDING OF THE DECADE ! With more photos to follow as I gather them in !

SO LET'S START WITH THIS PERFECT IMAGE OF THE TWO COMPLETELY DIFFERENT PERSONALITIES AND THE BLURRING ADDS TO THE ATMOSPHERE !

The Balmoral Hotel, Edinburgh's most prominent and prestigious venue had no idea that a new record was about to be set in it's Wedding Suite last Saturday when my new daughter-in-law's hairdresser managed to make her seventy five minutes late for her own wedding !

I THINK JONATHAN WOULD HAVE WAITED A WEEK !

The congregation waited patiently for two minutes and once it became obvious that no-one had the foggiest idea what was going on, the decorum cracked slightly at first and then rent right open as we all dropped our sophisticated facades and joined in a good old sing-song with me leading a tumultuous 'Knees Up Mother Brown' Conga through the dining room where the visiting elite stopped eating and gaped in horror !

The MC eventually managed to lock us back in 'our' room and we calmed ourselves down sufficiently for the service to go ahead, which it did beautifully !

" HELLO ! TALK TO YOU LATER !"

Being an hour behind schedule the welcoming sixsome was reduced to two and the hundred guests who had hoped to spend at least some moments chatting to the line up found themselves whipped through with little time to even say congratulations !

The poor devils were then herded back into the transformed ceremonial room where a delicious dinner awaited after the newlyweds had paraded through to the top table !

UNFORTUNATELY my best friend Michael managed to stand on the bride's train and rip it off her bodice just before this grand entrance and he got called a silly boy before the mother whisked out a needle and thread and reattached it !

JAY IS ONE OF THE WORLD'S TRUE BEAUTIES !

After that everything was truly brilliantly superb and as modest as I'm known to be, mine and the other four speeches were crackers and you can read mine in the two parts that precede this blog !

Jay's Dad was fantastically diffident and modest  and started everyone laughing !

Then Jay's Granny Reid, aged ninety four, stood and made a beautiful speech and told the heartwarming and heartbreaking tale of how the stole the bride was wearing was bought in Dunkirk by her then twenty two year old husband as he retreated from the battlefields of Northern France and hidden under his uniform as a gift for his wife !

Because he was the only driver in his platoon he took their vehicle on one ferry whilst the other men escaped on another ship in which they all drowned when it was sunk by enemy fire ! Makes you think doesn't it ?

I followed with my promised ten minutes which stretched to twenty five because everyone laughed too much and then the brilliant best man, Alastair, who'd been at school with Jonathan made everyone howl again with his version of their history !

JONATHAN AND HIS BEST MAN ALASDAIR PRACTICING WAITING !

Finally Jay's incredibly handsome, debonair and infinitely talented brother Tim recited a poem that he had written whilst eating his dessert !

To tell you the truth Tim is a fantastic pianist, composer and singer and it was him and not me who entertained the congregation during our interlude and sung his own beautiful song during the service as well as being joined for 'chopsticks' by his cousin Shona and on the Ukelele by his sister Jo.

TIM WHO CAN'T WORK OUT WHY THE PRODUCERS OF THE BOND MOVIES HAVEN'T CALLED YET ! ELLIOT THE 'OFFICIAL' PHOTOGRAPHER IS JONATHAN'S OLDEST FRIEND AND FLEW IN FROM MALTA ESPECIALLY FOR THE EVENT !

Tim would probably like me to continue on here about his superb physical attributes but I won't !

Because Tim, I have to tell them about the wonderful Piper and dancers who performed before we ate and the great Ceilidh we had for an hour of hilarity after the meal was finished and we were all stuffed and a bit unsteady on our feet!

All weddings should include a Ceilidh !

DJ JULES WITH HIS DANCERS:  FEATURING A SMALL FRENCH HORN PLAYER ON THE LEFT, TARA POLE DANCING IN THE CENTRE AND THE GROOM GIVING IT LARGE ON THE RIGHT ! THE BRIDE AND HER ENTOURAGE CAN BE SEEN MAKING SHAPES IN THE FOREGROUND ! I HAVE LEARNT SINCE WRITING THIS THAT IT IS MATT ON THE RIGHT AND NOT JONATHAN BUT THEY'RE SO SIMILAR WHO WOULD KNOW ?  SO I'VE LEFT IT AS IT IS !

And THEN the party really got started with my other son Julian setting up his own amazing sound system and DeeJaying the night away, forcing us all to dance to Psy Trance tracks which sounds like it should have been awful but was actually brilliant fun for all those of us who could drop their guard long enough to rock the hours away !

THIS IS HOW I SAW IT FROM MY SPECIAL POSITION WHICH YOU'LL FIND OUT ABOUT SHORTLY !

MORE DAMNED HIPPIES THAN YOU COULD SHAKE A STICK AT GATE-CRASHED THE BASH !

And then we went to bed drunk, partied out and much poorer !

So, as you can see, it was a fantastic day in the company of Jonathan and Jay's totally eccentrically drunk friends who are all top people in their chosen professions and should be ashamed of themselves and  some of their sozzled antics like podium dancing on The Balmoral's windowsills !

EVENTUALLY A FREEMASON FROM THE INAUGURATION NEXT DOOR JOINED US FOR THE LAST DANCE ! ON CHECKING HIMSELF IN THE MIRROR HE FOUND HE HAD TWO HEADS OF DISPROPORTIONATE SIZES !"

OH! That was me wasn't it ? Sixteen years off EIGHTY !