Shirley thinks I should start writing an unembellished true life history so I'm starting with this absolutely honest account of my WORLD CYCLING TOUR !
When I was about twenty one I set out on a cycling world tour with my girlfriend Angie as rear passenger on my racing tandem !
I've just finished reading a book called Janapar, which means Journey in Armenian, about a twenty three year old Tom Bell's round the world cycling tour which actually ended in Yemen once he discovered the overpowering magnetic pull of the love he felt for the woman he had met in Armenia and turned his bike round to return and marry her !
And now, rather than carry on my blog with somewhat exaggerated accounts of nearly fictitious events, I've decided to write only the truth which, actually, is probably as weird as anything else I've made up !
I stupidly left my three year Foundation Garment and Lingerie Design course after a year and a term for reasons which looking back do make me seem hopelessly in need of serious help !
To outsiders I was bursting with confidence and ideas ! I was having a great time acting the goat off and on stage and frankly fell in love with a couple of women who quickly saw that I was a really rather shallow person !
Both of them gave me the elbow and this combined with being absolutely skint and starving and clueless led to my leaving !
I know it sounds pathetic now but it wasn't then !
So I left and continued being the fool in Brighton where masquerading as an artist I met Angie who had no idea that I was living on air and conned her into a relationship !
I got turned down when I applied for a bus driver's job and ended up as an auxillary nurse in The Royal Sussex Hospital where overwhelmed by the real needs of others I finally climbed away from the self pity that I can now see I had allowed to dominate me !
Whilst at the hospital my father, a doctor, had arranged for me to visit a psychologist whose office was in a mental institution in Essex which called for a train journey early in the morning !
By this time I didn't need any help and was brimming with happiness as all I'd really needed was a job and the unquestioning delight of a woman's company but I still went twice for some reason !
It might seem odd but at this time Shirley was being driven around Brighton by one of my brothers who actually pointed out his 'Nutty' brother to her ! Little did she know that I was the man she was going to meet and fall in love with within a few months !
Each time I got to the hospital I had to walk passed the seriously mentally deranged before getting to the clinic where I asked to go for a pee before we started !
Irrelevent you might be thinking until I tell you that in week two the young South African doctor asked me if I thought I had a homosexual crush on him which I expressed in asking to use his toilet !
That was the LAST time I ever thought that I was the mad one !
He wrote to me a few times imploring me to return to complete the consultations but I'd had the kick up the butt that I'd needed and frankly have been as strong as an Ox ever since .
After a few months of nursing I couldn't stand it any more and ran a student cafe until I started making women suede hotpants for a few months in a posh shop in the centre of town until I got this mad idea for the cycling trip which Angie agreed to accompany me on for a couple of weeks until she had to return to college .
We set off one August from London without decent clothing, a decent tent, with no camping experience, no map and little money !
Worse still we had never ridden a tandem before !
Within five miles of heading out to join my family on the South Coast we were knackered and our thighs couldn't go on so we caught a train and got someone to come and pick us up so we could regain some strength before catching our ferry from Dover to Calais !
When we got to my family's holiday home in Kent which coincided with our tour my mother apologised to Angie and explained that as she had no spare single beds Angie and I would have to share a double into which my mother had placed a bolster to prevent any physical contact occuring accidentally ! Angie thanked her for her thoughtfulness even though her hormones were flowing just as forcefully as mine !
We made landfall in France and managed to cycle or rather wobble about five miles before buying a rancid cheese sandwich from a roadside cafe which sat at the entrance to a cliff top campsite, our first and several more nights resting place as I got rather very ill on our first morning !
Whether it was the cheese sandwich or the mussels which some fellow campers had invited us to share with them after they had gathered them freshly from the pools at the base of the cliff which were formed from the raw sewage which ran down the cliff from the exceedingly primitive squat toilets I never really knew !
But ill I was even if ILL does not convey quite how bad things were !
Though being young and horny I wasn't really ready to give up almost constant shagging, with or without my feet stuck out the tent as long as poor old Angie didn't mind me running to the bogs with gastro enteritis every half hour !
Well she said she didn't mind though looking back on things, the fact that she returned to England after two days seems to suggest now that she did !
No comments:
Post a Comment