Sally- Part 24. WHY DID I THINK I COULD ESCAPE HER IN HARROD'S

Me on my Bean Bag

See this leather "Bean Bag" ? And me as a young man sitting on it?

Well I made it and managed to get a furniture company to let me display it on their stand at the " Earl's Court International Furniture Exhibition " in 1972.

Although I didn't even sell one I then had the bright idea that perhaps I should aim higher and show it to the buyer at Harrods which, as I'm sure you know, is the most prestigious shop in the world.

Well which great philosopher said, " Trying is the first step on the road to failure." ?

Ah! I remember now, it was Homer Simpson!

 The buyer seemed suitably impressed and asked me to guarantee certain manufacturing standards. I left his office with the feeling that a new world was about to open up for me and decided to have a wander around the store..

After quite some time and whilst looking at a beautiful overcoat that I just knew I would one day be able to afford, I was dimly aware of the telephone ringing on the department desk and  the salesman saying. " Long dark hair? A beard ? Very very tight dark red loons ( ridiculously flared cotton trousers ) Black, turtle-neck jumper? I think he is in this department! One moment please and I'll ask the gentleman. "

Well I'd focused right in on the conversation. My heart had started to race as I knew it was the buyer summoning me back to place a massive order!

"Excuse me sir, ( actually he had quite a strong lisp ) so he really said, " Ekth thkuthe me thur. Are you Jonathan Nash? "

Odd, I thought, I'm sure I didn't give them the name that I was born with but the name, David, my middle name that I had been known by all my life after my mother and Auntie Sophie had both chosen Jonathan for their sons who had been born at the same time and then tossed a coin for the right to use exlusively and which toss my mother had lost thereby having to use the middle name forever ( Phew ! ) but, whatever!

" Yes" I said in a rather successful businessman's suave voice, " I am"

" Well it's your mother Sir" I no longer noticed or cared if he was lisping or not!

I grabbed the phone. " What do you want and how the hell did you locate me?"

" Oh darling, the lovely receptionist has been phoning all the departments trying to find you and here you are!"

"WHAT.....DO.....YOU.....WANT?"  I screamed back!  Well that kind of quiet scream that comes out between rigidly clenched teeth.

" Oh Darling I've run out of bread and I wondered whether you could pick up a loaf on the way home. Byee!"

I don't often collapse with uncontrollable tears of utter frustration, pounding the floor with both fists and forehead and toes like a two year old but I did then until some nice men in white coats lifted me and escorted me off the premises talking gently to me the whole way!

Never did get the contract.

And this story is absolutely true!