SALLY...PART 226 ! DANIEL THE TEN YEAR OLD ARACHNOPHOBE, TECHNICALLY, NEVER SHUTS UP !

HEADBUTTA AGED THREE AND WHO NOW AGED TEN HASN'T 'ACCIDENTALLY' HEADBUTTED ANYONE AT SCHOOL FOR MONTHS, ONLY BECAUSE SCHOOL'S SHUT !

You have to go into a yogic state of mind if you are to survive a session with Daniel, 10, who technically (his favourite word apart from 'yeh ?' when he's describing something, ANYTHING, to whoever will listen to him !) never shuts up so I took a deep breath before opening his front door to collect him for a bike ride yesterday afternoon !

HIS LOVE OF PEPPERAMI STARTED EARLY !

I DID NOT go in because of this STUPID virus thing and simply called out his name, "Daniel, are you coming for a bike ride ? Daniel ! DANIEL ! DDAANNIIEELL !"

"I'm just getting dressed !" he called from a long way away.

"It's FOUR O'CLOCK, why aren't you dressed ?"

"I've been doing my homework !"

Now if one good thing has emerged from the schools being shut it's the fact that Daniel's HUGE brain has not been getting him into detention and he hasn't 'accidentally' headbutted any other child for several months now and instead has produced work of a remarkably HIGH standard on his own !

He appeared in his porch with an UPTURNED pint glass and a bit of scrunched up paper.

"What's that for Daniel ?"

"There's a spider under my trainer and I'm an arachnophobe !" he said, pushing the shoe with one foot outstretched, at which a REALLY fast small spider ran straight back under it !

He simply couldn't coordinate his brain, his foot and his two hands to catch the thing so I said, "Put the paper down as it's no use to man or beast, get your glass down near the trainer and as you move it quickly trap the spider under it." which he did easily and then carefully slid a card under it and carried the creature safely outside to a bush where he triumphantly released it having told me he was an arachnophobe a hundred times during the operation !

I BET HE COULDN'T HAVE DEALT WITH THE ONE IN MY GARAGE !

He then led me two miles to the beach, talking the whole time about cat based simulated war games, not stopping to take a breath as he leapt off sand dunes, smashed rocks and didn't seem bothered by the fact that I repeatedly fell asleep whilst doing my best to follow his detailed descriptions !

I seem to remember that the cats were naked and the female ones held their spears over their 'centreealised parts' !

DANIEL TALKING NON STOP AT THE SAME AS LEAPING !

He wouldn't eat a Jaffa Cake or packet of crisps I'd taken for a picnic and he wouldn't accept my money to go into a shop on the way to get some sweets because he's determined to cut his body fat down from 6%, or perhaps not let it rise above it, and he wants to get his stomach muscles 'ripped' although he had eaten three bread sticks and two pepperami for lunch !

"That's not a proper lunch Daniel !"

"Well normally I cook myself an omelette but I was too busy and forgot !"

He was probably painting yet more of the hundred War Hammer models he's made !

TALKED TO DEATH AND DEFEATED BY THE FIVE YEAR OLD CHESS MASTER WHO REFUSED TO USE A BOARD !

He's TEN for God's sake and I really want to be around to see what he becomes, perhaps a politician as he already resembles one of my least liked Ministers, Michael Gove !

NOTHING IS BEYOND THIS BOY AS YOU CAN SEE FROM THIS MODEL OF THE EIFFEL TOWER WHICH HE BUILT AND WIRED UP WITHOUT ANY HELP !