Leaving for a three hour drive at 11am on the first warm, sunny day we'd had since arriving two days before to go back to BABYSIT a four year old until midnight might seem like going that one step too far to help your children,especially when you're SIXTY NINE but that's what we were doing when all hell struck !
Half an hour into the journey and already tired because I'd repacked the car, Hoovered the place and drained it off in case another cold blast hits in the next month, Shirley suddenly grabbed her head in her hands and let out the howl to beat all howls !
A shot of adrenalin surged through my body in response as I imagined the sort of devastating heart attack she must have just had and my right foot twitched sending my speed rocketing at least two mph beyond the thirty miles an hour she insists I stick to on major roads !
I was looking for a layby to stop in to administer the first aid her attack seemed to warrant when she whimpered, "David, I think I've left the toothbrush charger plugged in !"
"AND ?" I replied.
"I left the toothbrush in the bathroom !", she groaned.
"AND ?" I requizzed.
"What if the charger overheats and catches fire and burns the place down ?"
"It's made by ORAL B and if a single ORAL B toothbrush charger had EVER caught fire and burned a place down ORAL B as a company would be finished, so stop worrying ! There's no current going through the thing so it can't heat up let alone overheat !"
"I'm going to have to phone Gemma !"
"Gemma, it's Mum and I think I've left the toothbrush charger plugged in without the toothbrush on it and we haven't got time to go back as we're babysitting this aftenoon ! Do you think I should phone someone and pay the thirty five pound call out charge for someone to go in and have a look ?"
"Oh I can't risk that in case they see the carrier bag Dad placed over the kitchen extractor fan to stop the gale blasting through and OH GOD, they'll see the plastic bag he put over the smoke detector when I made my toast this morning and the forensic team are bound to see the solidified pool of plastic under where the smoke detector had been and our insurance will be null and void so what do you think ?"
"WHAT TWO AMPS ! Is that a LOT ? David, the tothbrush charger uses two amps ! I'm going to have to text Julian !"
"Julian's texted back to tell me to stop being so stupid because something not connected to its charger means neither it nor the charger can overheat and/or catch fire and you're doing thirty two !"
"And I bet you've already forgotten that you need to bring an 'invisible' plaster to put over that loose nail and the tape to put round the short piece of lagging pipe you put around the bed leg to stop me stubbing my toe on when I come back from the bathroom in the dead of night, haven't you ? Oh and the candle for greasing the curtain rails !"
"Right we'll have to make sure we have a list of things to do before we leave in the future and I'm putting YOU in charge of that !"
She fell back in a half faint with her eyes closed and sucked on my three quarters eaten apple core that she always finishes off when we're driving and I let my speed creep up to thirty five, which you would have thought would have been enough to stop all the hooting and flashing lights from behind but didn't !
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