We were in seperate houses yesterday evening, each with our laptops and a selection of three mobile phones and four sim cards !
I have a mobile phone which I rarely use as I HATE mobile phones and the way they are DESTROYING family life, a pay-as-you-go thing that was once Shirley's main phone but which has bad reception and which I'm supposed to carry in case I get lost when out with a Grandchild and which I rarely remember to carry !
Shirley has three phones with their numbers written on the inside of my wallet but I don't know which one I'm supposed to phone when I'm lost.
We have the four sim cards for reasons I'm not really sure of and I certainly have no idea which company supplied them or why we need them. I leave all that stuff to her and nod approval when she tells me things like she can get £5 off if she pays three years advance rental at only £370 !
So last night she must have sent me a Facebook message and wrote, "Can you Facetime me ?"
"What's Facetime ?" I replied.
"Phone me and I'll explain ."
Now we have a house phone but the house where she was doesn't have one which meant that as it was too expensive for me to phone her mobile, whichever one that would have been, with our housephone and as she has a mobile on a contract that allowed her to make five hundred minutes of calls a month and I don't, what I had to do was give her 'free' mobile three rings with my 'expensive' one before pressing the off button and waiting for her to phone me back !
I used my initiative and rung each of her three phones for three rings on my house phone and waited.
She phoned my mobile which somehow happened to be in the house instead of in the car and I pressed the green phone symbol and said, "Hello ! Hello ! HELLO !!" before realising that I was holding it upside down ! Shirley was, by my third 'HELLO!!' screaming and just audible to me, "GO UPSTAIRS WHERE THE RECEPTION'S BETTER !" so I ran up, managing to end the call as I did so !
She phoned me back and as it had somehow turned itself round I could hear her clearly when she asked, "Have you got Facebook on so I can Facetime you ?"
"I have but I'm upstairs." I replied, "Hang on I'm walking down again ! Right, what's 'Facetime' ?"
"I can ring you on Facebook and we can talk for free. Just click on the 'answer' button when you hear it 'chirp'."
It 'chirped' and I clicked only to hear what sounded like garbled Martian coming through the speakers so I shouted, "I can't hear you Shirley ! SHIRLEY ? I CAN'T HEAR YOU so I'm going to click off !"
Shirley then phoned my mobile again to tell me to take the phone upstairs but as she was telling me what to do I felt a sneeze coming on and yelled, "Hang on, I'm going to sneeze!" and did so with such force that I pressed something obscure on my phone, ending the call and rendering the phone useless for a few minutes !
She then phoned the housephone and instructed me on how to Facetime HER but I just couldn't work it out !
What she wanted was for me to go upstairs with my mobile and listen to her instructions as I stood in front of two of her wardrobes to gather some clothing for her night away so I went back upstairs with my phone in my hand !
"Right ! The temperature's going up to 7*C tonight and I've only brought winter clothes so I'll need you to bring me some summer ones or I'll die from the heat ! In the right hand wardrobe you'll see my tops and right in the middle and to the right of the turquoise one with the flowers on as opposed to the one with the squiggles on you'll see a burgundy one with nothing on and get me the lightweight black trousers with the seam sewn down the middle and some underwear from out of the two drawers OK and bring them here ."
I of course managed to get the wrong trousers and couldn't see the burgundy top that she insisted was next to her turquoise one so I took all her tops ! I selected her bra and panties from a drawer that I have never looked in before, will never look in again and which left me feeling distinctly queazy !
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