Last year I joined my local Sports Centre to take advantage of an 80p over fifties reduction in the cost of a sauna and steam room ! Their scheme was falsely named Nifty At Fifty, a loathsome title for a load of lazy, grizzly old gits !
I went a few times but fell out with the staff who refused to serve me a Cappuccino for my free cup of coffee because they said I was out too early and should wait for the trolley with it's flask of yuk if I wanted a drink !
But I returned today and wished I hadn't !
I suppose old men are miserable all round the world but this lot were just depressingly dreadful and I sat surprisingly silent whilst they tore every issue to pieces !
Not one kind word ! Not one item that interested them or gave them any desire to discuss something interesting !
Just moan, moan, moan with the F word thrown in like bullets coming out a machine gun and not one man was under eighty !
I got up and walked out, went and had a fourth shower and slipped into the sauna where another set of even more angry men were at it again !
Actually, one man walked in and he was asked if he was OK and he replied and I'm not joking, " No actually I'm not ! I've had a camera up my backside and one down my throat ! My blood pressure's too high and they told me I haven't got Parkinson's after all but 'Boxer's Spurnt' so I've been on the wrong medication for years !"
I'm not sure what the second word was because they were all talking in the broadest Geordie but it meant he was 'Punch Drunk' !
I couldn't take any more as they each started retelling their own Sigmoidoscopy tales and this time I got changed and left !
I bought Shirley a present on the way home of a packet of soft-centred humbugs and giving them to her promised I would NEVER EVER say another negative thing !
Doesn't mean I can't write them though !
And it doesn't mean I wouldn't have liked to have joined in as I agreed with every word they said !
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