Sally-Part 128 . MY NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS ! ( To be added to ! )

I  AM GOING TO TRY TO BE LESS IRRITATING TO SHIRLEY  FROM NOW ON THOUGH IT'S A BIT LATE FOR THAT AND I AM GOING TO TRY NOT TO HATE THE FOLLOWING THIS YEAR OR LET THEM TURN MY STOMACH..........

 Every single television chef !

Charity Appeals !

Faye Dunnaway's present teeth which I think she must share with Sharon Osborne !

'Celebrities' !

'Experts' !

News reporters standing in the middle of nowhere with nothing going on wittering on about the fact that there's nothing going on !

News reporters especially when they are so-called special correspondents like "Our flood correspondent " etc.

Old people !
Old people with walking sticks or Zimmer frames !
Old people who walk slowly and get in my way !
Old people who choke on their food in restaurants when they're sitting anywhere near me !
Old people who go to old people's special cinema shows and keep asking their partners what the actors say !
Old men who wear cut-offs !

Electric Wheelchair Drivers !

Electric Wheelchair Drivers in Supermarkets even more !

Able-Bodied Motability car drivers and especially the ones who park on double yellows with a car full of family who all get out and go for a leisurely shop with their bellies resting on their supermarket trolley handles !

Slightly skewiffed Motability drivers who are perfectly capable of living a normal life but have decided to milk the system ! They mostly park in a disabled bay, get out, put an unused walking stick over their forearms and march off lighting a cigarette before adopting a slight limp once they've remembered the DSS might be watching !

Vacuum cleaner's flex !

In fact, any flex !

Stephen Fry, Jimmy Carr,  their hideous cronies and the audiences who laugh at them !

All Chat Show hosts !

Kirsty Allsop !

Gary Barlow !

Louis Walsh and ALL other plastically enhanced  sad old idiots  !

Adverts !

The Paralympic Games which I can't watch without making dribbling noises and laughing my head off  !

Classic FM !

Every  DJ on every other Radio Station  !

ALL morning television presenters except Naga Minchetti !

My brothers !

My car which is really very good but looks like a Motability one !

You've Been Framed !

My legs ! Actually I don't think that they are THAT bad ! but I've been made to feel that they are horrible and so I won't wear shorts or cut-offs in public !

Men who wear shorts or cut-offs in public !

Men over nineteen with hair styles and 'fashionable' clothes !

Fat women in high heels and short skirts !

Botoxed women !

Shaven Havens !

Twerking !

That'll do to start with !

Sally-Part 127. ANOTHER NEW LIFE !

AUNTY GEMMA'S IN LOVE !

ALL SECOND COUSIN JAIME NEEDS IS THE RIGHT WOMAN AS HE'S A NATURAL !

" HELLO UNCLE JAIME ! BET THAT SURPRISED YOU !"

BRAND NEW, UNNAMED AND HANDSOME !

HE HAS NO IDEA HOW LOVED HE'S GOING TO BE !

Yesterday evening, Christmas Eve, I became a Grandfather for the third time when Janny produced her yet unnamed boy bunny out of her hat, aided by a scalpel-wielding surgeon and a day-long epidural !

SENT PACKING WITHIN 24 HOURS ! HIS GRANDMA SPENT AT LEAST A WEEK ON THE WARD !

And now I'm going to peel a mountain of spuds !

Funny thing......life !

Sally-part 126. "THEY WEREN'T ALLOWED TO WHAT ?" A BLOG WITHOUT PHOTOS ! BY LAW !

Yes Illinois, I know I haven't written a Blog for weeks but I have been and am just so busy making leather bags and purses for my stall that that's all I do for every waking minute of every day !

But yesterday I went to my eight year old's Nativity Play and my goat was got !

I had to sign a form that made me promise not to publish any photos or videos I took to the internet !

WHY ?

Well it's something to do with preventing divorced or separated or social-service-removed parents perhaps seeing their child on screen when they're not supposed to know where they are or some other codswallop !

WHAT ?

Or perhaps it's because pedophiles might be scanning all the Nativity Play films put on Facebook to catch a glimpse of a plastic doll !

Who knows but it drives me MAD !

One of life's great pleasures is watching your children and grandchildren taking part in these things and naturally you want to photo and video everything and show everyone and you CAN'T !

I'm so scared of having accusations of molestation fired at me that I hardly lift my eyes from the floor in case some over-zealous teacher or CCTV camera spies me watching somebody else's child sing !

So here's the solution...firstly dress all the children in large brown paper bags with tiny eye holes and then do the same with the audience or better still cancel all Nativity Plays or even better than that force ALL adults to be sterilized so that no-one can ever have children and then there won't be any need for schools and Nativity Plays !

Of course spacemen from another Planet will one day arrive here and try to work out why the human race suddenly ceased to exist !

Well I'm going to print out this Blog and seal it in a 'time-capsule' in my back garden with a big arrow  pointing at the burial spot  with a shovel placed conveniently nearby and they'll find it and if you can spare a moment you can just see the scene in your mind's eye....there'll be a group of them standing around listening to one of them reading this and they all be saying, " Are you serious ? Is this a joke ? They weren't allowed to WHAT ?