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| AND WHO WOULD WANT TO LEAVE THIS VIEW ? OUR CARAVAN VERANDA IN DUMFRIES AND GALLOWAY |
But a couple of weeks ago we joined the " Scottish National Trust " A) Because it was half the price of joining the English one and can be used reciprocally in England and B) Because there are several " Trust " properties to visit in South West Scotland .
My speaking with a swarthy Glaswegian accent needs working on for when I show the passes but I've so far managed, "Och Aye The Noo Hen! 'Tis indeed a broad bricht moonlicht nicht the nicht ! " to the lady who asked me if I'd visited her particularly boring edifice before !
Today, sitting baking and enjoying the roar of a tempestuous sea we talked ourselves into visiting a nearby property which I probably shouldn't name but was twenty miles to the east !
There was only one car-parking place left and as I got out I saw a black Labrador panting in a locked car which had no windows open and whilst Shirley, nomally a person unprepared to get involved, marched off to report the outrage, I went back to the dog's car and noticed a barely opened roof-light which at least let in some air.
Shirley then returned with a woman "Trust" worker who agreed that something should be done but "The Trust" held no sway over what occured in the car park.
In the reception area a truly horrible and uncaring old volunteer insisted that "They" could do nothing about it and that it was up to us to phone the RSPCA if we chose to !
I have completely wrongly and undeservingly occasionally thought that I was married to the most impatient woman in the world but my wife is an angel compared to this foul-toothed hag who frankly dismissed our concerns with contempt !
We chose not to get further involved as other members of staff gathered to discuss the matter and so we set out to explore the beautiful grounds, staring with hatred at all the other visitors who we thought definitely looked capable of such thoughtless cruelty their dog !
The gardens were sheltered from the gale force winds blowing through the trees as Shirley drooped in the sweltering sun and the temperature soared well into the early teens!
She complained that she couldn't possibly enjoy the visit as all she could think of was " That poor dog !"
One step into the greenhouse and she swooned into a heap and staggered out with me pouring a bottle of iced water over her head !
Thankfully, despite the unbearable weight of my rucksack, I was able to follow her and quickly hand her her other absolutely necessary accoutrements!
Firstly and why I hadn't got the tube to hand earlier I'll never know despite her repeatedly demanding to know, came the " Anti-Thigh-Rub-Gel " which I had to slap on in copious amounts !
Then the variously higher factored sun creams, visors ( both the disguised 'Lanzarote' one and the ' Playboy' one ! ), wellies, sun hats ( stiff one and floppy one ) sandals ( open-toed ones and closed-toe ones with different heel types ! ), wet flannels with room temperature water or iced water already applied for her to either approve and use or disapprove and fling back at me with unconcealed contempt, tweezers ( don't ask ), picnic blankets ( the new one for dry areas and the older mangy one for wet areas ), apples, oranges, chocolate, chewy bars sandwiches and a litre of gaseous spring water, all hopefully to last the entire one hour visit !
Ignoring the " WARNING ! WARNING ! WARNING ! " signs which were everywhere advising us against leaving the tarmac path, I followed her onto the sodden grassed slopes, apologising to her for not telling her that the heaviest rain ever to have fallen on the county had rendered the land impassable, despite her having read every weather forecast in the world prior to setting out!
We slithered to safety, leaving great skids across the manicured lawns and again left a Trust property without adding a stamp to our 'Buy Nine Get One Free National Trust Tea And Coffee Voucher ' , our sandals and feet barely liftable under the weight of mud clinging to them !
Oh ! And the dog ? What dog ?
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