Sally-Part 46. THE TURNER PRIZE ? WHAT A LOAD OF RUBBISH !

If you are new to my blog a little introduction might shed some light.

I've spent forty years making leather bags and purses which I sell each Sunday at Newcastle-upon-Tyne's Quayside Market.

The whole area has been rebuilt and I stand on the northern bank near to the 'Blinking Eye' Millenium Bridge which itself brings tourists to the city and beside the bridge on the southern bank, stand two exceptional buildings. One is the magnificent 'Sage' containing three concert halls and which is another tourist draw.

 And then there is The Baltic Art Gallery which displays an ever-changing selection of what it's adherents call ' Modern Art ' but which most of us call ' An Insult To The Senses'!

If the rain makes trading impossible I have occasionally walked over and had a look around the four floors of enormous galleries and invariably left with a sense of utter bewilderment that any of what I've seen is worthy of being called 'Art' and should certainly never have made their creators famous or wealthy and I am not alone in these thoughts as I've spoken to many visitors who feel just the same.

So when the Baltic recently staged the world famous 'Turner Prize' competition which is generally held in contempt by almost everyone but the artistic community who daren't criticise it, and before it stopped raining I nipped over for a look.

It was 10am and the place was deserted as I made my way up to the top floor to see what was on view there first and which wasn't a part of the 'Turner'.

Essentially it was an old VW camper van on flat tyres with it's side door open and with an armchair made out of dirty soft toys inside the back of it!

 I'm getting angry just remembering it!

The main feature of the rest of the display were four large TV screens showing a video of a man of about sixty standing on a beach dressed in a baby's outfit appearing to be squishing poo in a carrier bag that he was holding above his head!

Now I'm getting even angrier!

This visit lasted about thirty seconds before, enraged, I stomped down to the 'Turner' where I was challenged before entering and told that I couldn't just walk in as there would be a queue downstairs.

" A queue? " I laughed into the poor girl's face, "I'm the only person in the building apart from you and the other assistants!"

I was allowed in and ignored by the poor assistants who have to sit on stools in all the galleries, bored to death and wishing that they could get a decent job.

And there, waiting for me was a wooden plank nailed to a wall with a wooden bench beneath it and a few leaves strewn on the floor.

That took seven seconds to dismiss before entering the next gallery which contained an enormous undulating sheet of crudely painted Plaster-of-Paris with a hundred carrier bags tied together to look like a cloud hung above it!

Steaming I couldn't be bothered to look at anything else and as I didn't want anyone who might know me to catch me in the exhibition I walked out as quickly as I could passing through a photographic display of empty chairs which had something to do with an old immigrant having had to spend a long time in queues!

As I walked out the young assistant who had wanted me to queue observed, "That was quick!" and I said, "What a load of rubbish and you know it don't you?"

She and her newly arrived colleague looked at the floor and said nothing.

" Aha!" I chided them, "You DO know it's rubbish don't you?"

"Well we've had a lot of visitors you know!"

"That's got nothing to do with it and you're not answering my question are you? And that is that it's rubbish and you and probably everyone else involved knows it's rubbish too and that just about anything shown in The Baltic is rubbish too!  Now am I right or not?"

I really was seething with indignation and turned and left without waiting for their unforthcoming reply!

Oh! If only people had the nerve to tell the truth!

Returning to my stall I had started to share my thoughts with anybody that I could trap when three young foreigners holding notepads, recording equipment and cameras approached and their leader said, "Hello! Vee ar vorkink for zer Baltic makin zer eenhowse magazin und vee vood like to interview you about vy you iz zo angry about zis Torna Price".

 They sounded German to me. What do you think?

 Below is the article containing the gist of the interview which was indeed unbelievably printed in The Baltic's own magazine!

AN EXTRACT FROM THE INTERVIEW WITH ME THAT THE IDIOTS AT THE BALTIC ACTUALLY PRINTED

At the same time as the interview was taking place a smartly dressed man asked to speak to me and introduced himself as The Curator of The Baltic and asked whether I would allow him to walk me around The Baltic whilst explaining modern art to me and I laughed at him and said "No! Life's too short to waste any more of mine in your gallery!"

He tried again and I tried, probably unsuccessfully to explain my theory that just like the story of 'The Emperor's Suit Of Clothes', he and his kind tried to bully people who instinctively know that they are being treated like fools into recognising nonsense as great.

" Do you know" I said "that there are thousands of wonderful 'Old Masters' lying unseen in gallery vaults all over the country that the people of Newcastle would love to see if only you would fill your vast wall spaces  with them?"

THIS WONDERFUL PORTRAIT OF MARCHESA BRIGIDA SPINOLA-DORIA WAS PAINTED IN 1606 BY RUBENS.

" Then" I said, " your place would be literally full of people silenced in awe and not as at present silenced in disgust!"

He left with a smirk and hasn't so far acted on my advice!