Shirley and I intended to have a day of complete rest today, so we started by eating more meat than we normally eat in a year. This was called a "Full Yorkshire" and frankly I hated it.
I mean there were no baked beans to swamp the taste of heavily textured pig products that my teeth attempted to chew through in the company of several posh table-loads of gentrified elders trying to look as though their teeth were their own and well able to cope with gristle and bone!
Whatever "Award Winning" is supposed to mean in butchery terms it failed. Give me Richmond sausages grilled to death and covered in fried onions and English mustard in a mass- produced and soggy white bread sandwich, cooked by my reluctant chef of a wife any day rather than today's selection!
Following a post-breakfast snooze, we walked thinly clothed through the Ripley Castle grounds before collapsing onto our bed for a pre-three-mile-drive into Harrogate snooze. Nowadays we would normally have booked a Travelodge for such a journey.
Am I joking? Oh no! Last year Shirley couldn't face a 135mile trip to a concert in Manchester without two, yes two Travelodges on the way there and three on the way back! And I don't think I can bear to tell you of the trauma her vertigo caused in getting her to her seat in the arena. Let me just say that before and after each of Leonard Cohen's songs the audience were looking around for the source of the, "Oh ! The height ! The height ! David, I'm going to faint ! I'll have to go out ! Can you carry me out if I shut my eyes ? This was all your idea you fool ! I need the toilet ! Ooooooh !"
Harrogate on a cold february day is not that more attractive than Blyth. We stood with our noses pressed against the windows of "Bettys" packed teahouse wondering just who would pay £18 for tea. Obviously plenty and so packed in, all dressed in their finest.
WE treated ourselves to the Thursday Special Curry at Weatherspoons for £6.90, including a pint, after a shopping trip which consisted of Shirley NOT buying a new hairbrush and both of us riding up and down the escalators in Marksies and Primark and feeling so exhausted by the sight of so much stuff that we immediately left both shops without even looking at anything.
At the end of Tenerife we shook hands and agreed never to go abroad again and today we shook hands and agreed never to book another two day break.
Brilliant. Did you really get mum into primark or was that just artistic license? Watch your grammar though!
ReplyDeleteThe first paragraph is rubbish(in case anyone from the aforementioned hotel or potential guests read this) as two scraped plates and no other food needed for seven hours afterward would testify! Delicious,very civilised breakfast. Shirley Nash(Mrs) for real!
ReplyDeleteBrilliant, love it! Don't be mad at Gemma for passing your blog address onto me but she thought I would appreciate your humour and she was right looking forward to your next installment but does this mean our crazygolf trip is off? In case you are wondering this is Claire, your future grand-daughter in law Jessica's mum
ReplyDeleteI knew that you would love it Claire and actually after she'd already posted it I asked Gemma to let you have it! Feel free to pass it on to everyone on your list. Crazy golf?I know I'm senile but what promise was this?Men Eh!?!And when? David.
DeleteOf course, of course. Tenerife!I think that when Dylan and Jessica marry and you become his mother-in-law you will become MY mother-in-law twice removed or some such but life's too short to spend any more time trying to work it out!
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