SALLY....PART 275....Now with a PS (Ear piercing scream) YOU BASTARD, WHY'DYOU WAKE ME UP ? I THOUGHT AN ANNACONDA HAD GOT IN THE BED, OR A HEDGEHOG !""

 

It was somewhere around a quarter to eight this morning when I woke up and became aware that Shirley's eight month long cough had turned into a deeply worrying rasp that didn't let her sleep for more than ten minutes a night and being a kind, caring, compassionate man, always putting her comfort before my own, I reached out a hand to place gently on her hip to let her know that I understood her distress !

Unfortunately on its journey across the six foot void of our very wide bed my hand got caught up in the soft folds of the quilt and sort of shot forward and punched her on her bum whereupon she instantly leapt like a scalded cat and from four feet above the mattress screamed down at me hurling plenty of other quite unkind phrases from her surprisingly wide knowledge of foul expressions before she landed still screaming and waking up the couple in the next room who lay quaking, not daring to come and see if they could help !

Trying to shush and calm her didn't work and frankly never has so instead I reenacted her reaction to her until she had actually properly woken up and started laughing !

Making her laugh has always been the way to dispel her naturally violent and totally unreasonable reaction to any 'emergency' and I dread the day I lose my touch as she WILL kill me !

We eventually laughed about things as we drove with our friends across the private grounds at Balmoral Castle and whilst she regaled them with tales of many other diabolical reactions to me I hatched a plan to visit the stables and see if they have a severed horses head for a real laugh tonight !

SINCE PUBLICATION:

It has been brought to my attention that my hand did NOT punch Shirley on the bum but crept creepily up her leg in the manner of a pervert, or indeed a wild snake or highly bristled hedge dwelling creature whilst she was deeply asleep for the first time in forty years experiencing highly realistic visions of men sitting on her chest preventing her from breathing and being assailed by fears that she was late for school and that no-one had woken our youngest son for his tour of duty in Iraq which he actually managed to report in for in 2006 !