I drove home starving after five hours with grandchildren, having actually NOT eaten the dinner made for me ! It was all vegetables, something men just don't see the need for, roasted in oil with ends burnt into little jaw-breaking boulders that I would have spat out if I didn't love eating charcoal so much.
I have only not eaten my lunch on three occasions in fifty years and I think on one of those I was the cook !
I had driven home the shortest route according to my mansense, getting caught caught at every traffic light going and Shirley, determined to prove me wrong commanded my attention whilst she demonstrated on Google Maps the various options and in fact she was right, I had driven an extra and unnecessary 0.4 of a mile !
Her Ipad was in one hand and a spatula was in the other reheating a mountain of lunchtime's leftover vegetables which I dreaded getting offered again and said so !
"Well you'll just have to find yourself something !" she hissed at my downturned mouth as I stood looking at her food preparations, "It's OK, I'll have peanut butter sandwiches once you're out of the way." I said as genially as possible, knowing that if I wasn't genial in tone (the only one of the two of us too scared not to be) then she'd go mealy mouthed about the amount of toothpaste I'd used or the noise I'd made turning the bathroom light on with the window open letting in the moths that make her life a nightmare !
She stood staring in disbelief as I buttered my snack and gasped,"FOUR bits and you won't need butter if you're having peanut butter !" (she'd forgotten after a lifetime of calling slices of bread 'slices' that they weren't called 'bits') and tutting loudly as I reached for the salt which I like to smother my peanut butter with she took her disgusting vegetables thankfully out of my sight !
As you can see, there's barely a crumb left !
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