When I was a boy I had an Aunt who lived in New York and once in a blue moon my father would 'book' a call to her .
I seem to remember it costing a pound a minute which meant that it cost more than four day's pay for a three minute call !
When I was sixteen I earned seventy five pence a DAY working as an assistant storeman on Saturdays at Woolworths !
So a call to The States was significant and expensive and not to be made lightly !
So what's all this about then ?
Well whenever Tescos delivers our shopping which is something they do about once every few weeks because we can't stand mixing with the working class people who frequent our local Supermarkets, they inevitably send items on the point of exceeding their 'sell by' dates, a loaf with a larger than acceptable air hole at one end, a lettuce with a slight browning of one leaf, apples of a variety other than those ordered, large pots of 'Finest' Coleslaw rather than the 'Extra Creamy' one requested or Aunt Bessie's Roasted Potatoes instead of Aunt Bessie's ROSTI Potatoes as desired !
The 'ROSTI' problem has occured on more than one occasion and Shirley gets particularly incensed!
Then there are the inevitable frustrations caused by being overcharged by as much as three pence on an item and the maddening list of 'alternatives' supplied by overworked 'shoppers' who probably forgot to collect the wanted items when they passed them and couldn't be bothered to go back !
Whatever the reasons, Shirley gets straight onto the internet once she has expressed her frustration at me about the lack of storage space for three hundred pounds worth of groceries and informs the system of her concerns !
This is followed by a phone call the next day usually because to save a delivery charge she selects the free 10pm to 1am slot...and here comes the nub of the reason for writing the lead-in...from a truly humble administrative assistant in SOUTH AFRICA to tell her or more likely me, because Shirley HATES answering the phone, that the company apologises for any mistakes made and to let her know that the overcharge of three pence will be refunded to her account and that if she wishes a man in a van can be dispatched to pick up the nearly out of date products !
She never actually takes advantage of their offer so what happens is that I end up eating large quantities of 'on the turn' items that then make me ill !
How can phoning from South Africa be cost effective and why don't the companies have offices in the UK instead where people phoning me wouldn't be asked to repeat what they have said several times because I simply can't understand their accents ?
Well that's as long as the offices weren't operating out of Wales, Scotland, Ireland, Liverpool, Newcastle or anywhere in Yorkshire !
And don't get me started on the Africans, Indians and South Americans who phone me to tell me that I've won their National Lottery.....without even buying a ticket.....and all I'd have to do to receive several million pounds is to give them my bank details !
And I will scream if anyone mentions the calls I run to from the toilet that are silent or sales pitches from 'Home Improvement Companies' or anyone telling me that as a pensioner I'm eligible for a new boiler !
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