For years and years Shirley has DELIBERATELY been speaking to me in an ever quieter voice to make me believe that I was going deaf !
She would say things to me from two rooms away or from upstairs and I'd have no idea what she had said and as she wouldn't come through to me because she was reviewing some performance or other that Josh Groban had just given or couldn't tear herself away from the latest photograph of his newly shaven face or from learning more about his dog Sweeney's arthritis, I'd have to stop work and go through to her !
"Say all that again!" I'd say, pretending to be remotely interested in what she was saying.
"No I won't you deaf idiot ! If you didn't hear it the first time I'm not repeating it ! GOD you drive me MAD ! Get your hearing tested !"
We laugh our heads off at that every time she says it but finally I did go and get it tested and guess what ? I AM DEAF !
Today I got fitted with two invisible hearing aids and for the first time in years I can hear birds singing and my trousers ruffling and...and...and.........MY WIFE !!!....who I've had to ask to stop SHOUTING as she's giving me a headache !
Now I'll not be able to avoid hearing all about JOSH GROBAN !
