Sally-Part 148. "DAVID ! YOU'VE RUINED MY BLUE COAT BY SLEEPING IN IT !"

It was a lovely sunny day last week in early April when coming back from somewhere neither of us can now remember we parked by the gigantic newsprint and wind turbine storage sheds and walked to Blyth's secret yacht basin and pier.

COULD BE THE MED !

After a ten minute stroll along the ancient wooden structure, straight into the face of almost no breeze at all, tutting at anything we saw, like fishermen doing nothing more innocuous than sitting quietly watching their lines or dogs on the beach, full of beans having a great time running for miles and swimming after sticks, we returned to the dunes where after dismissing the sheer enjoyment that some teenage lads were having running into the flat calm sea as vandalism that deserved them being locked up for ever and the key thrown away, we fell into a deep sleep !

WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT THAT THIS WOULD LEAD TO BEAUTY ?

I was woken from yet another 'losers' dream by Shirley demanding something incoherent !

"Burliurch ?" I stuttered, meaning to say, "What have I done NOW ?", tripping over my swollen desert-dry tongue !

"I said, you deaf idiot, WHY have you got MY blue coat on ?"

"Why have I WHAT ?" I replied, suddenly fully alert and looking down, saw that I was indeed wearing her blue coat and not my own ! How HAD I managed that when we have our own hooks ?

"I thought that you were looking particularly stupid when we were walking along ! Look at it ! The sleeves are too short, it hardly covers your arse and the zip's the wrong way round and I've looked after it for years and now you've ruined it by sleeping in it ! It looks like a sack and you look Gay and I am just too embarrassed to be seen walking along with you !"

TRYING TO RIDE A THIN WHEELED BIKE DOWN THE PIER IS NOT TO BE RECOMMENDED !

She often has a go at me and I generally feel aggrieved that I get blamed for everything but this time I knew she was right !

My mind is definitely on the blink and I, well both of us if the truth is to be known, forget things that I/we would never have forgotten in the past !

I think of things to note down before I forget them and have forgotten them before I've found a pen to note them down with !

We walked back to the car in silence except for Shirley's continuous,"My BEST coat RUINED !..RUINED !....God you are SUCH a liability !" raining down on my tinnitissian wrecked ears !

I resolved to pay more attention in the future and eat walnuts to improve my brainpower and we drove the entire half mile home in tight-jawed loathing of each other !

After I'd unlocked the front door, Shirley hissed at me through her still clenched jaws, "Now get my coat OFF you stupid, forgetful, impossible-to-live-with TWERP ! I'll NEVER get those creases out ! GOD ! What did I ever see in you ?"

I didn't, for once, bother arguing as I felt guilty as charged and went to hang her coat back up on her hook but couldn't because there was already a blue coat on her hook and I just stood agog trying to work out why I would have hung my blue coat on HER hook.......and then something dawned in my tiny brain.......!

"Shirley ! Come here ! NOW !" I actually dared to shout !

"What fool ?" she snorted back ! " Hurry up, 'Deal's about to start!'

"What is hanging on YOUR hook YOU fool ?"

"MY blue coat. WHY twit ?"

"Because if THAT is YOUR blue coat then WHAT have I been wearing ?"

It only took another five seconds of both of us staring at my empty hook to realise that my coat was missing !

"Shirley ! My coat's not there ! I must have left it somewhere but I haven't been anywhere have I ?"

"How am I supposed to know where you've been ? You'd forget your own stupid head if you didn't have me to organise every single thing in your pathetic little life !" she joshed playfully !

I stared at her and then at her coat and then at my empty hook and then at what I was wearing !

"Then what is THIS ?"

"Well I've never seen it before so there's no point asking ME !"

I think it dawned on both of us at precisely the same time that what I was wearing WAS my coat, the one that I had been wearing for about three years and that in fact fitted me perfectly, covered my arse and fitted to my wrists !

I really have NO idea what's going to happen as we start to really get old and forgetful !