Sally-part 146. 'TWAS A SPIDER NOT MOULD ON THE CEILING OF SHIRLEY'S BATHROOM !

I DID NOT OPEN THAT WINDOW !

Whilst I was finishing off my last Blog, Shirley asked if I could go in and clean the ceiling of 'her' caravan bathroom !

To all you foreigners........Now THIS is what a 'caravan' is over here ! Ours sits high above Wigtown Bay in South West Scotland and here's the highly skilled man I paid to paint the decking painting the decking !

'Mine' is the larger of the two and frankly no couple should have to live with only one !

And this my friends is a typically glorious sunset seen from our decking !

She said that there appeared to be a light covering of mould which would only get worse over the coming winter months when we wouldn't be visiting .

So in I went, mixed up a mild bleach solution in the smallest sink in the world and dipping in my kitchen towel was about to start wiping when I spied a spider weaving it's web across the entire surface .

I've trawled through the internet and this is as near as I can get to what I let climb onto my hand before blowing it out of the window !

This web was in fact the 'mould' that Shirley had seen !

Anyway, opening the window wide I introduced the spider to the outside world and carried on cleaning the place despite the lack of mould because after eight years I thought it was about time to wipe over ledges and blinds and things like that that had gathered a small amount of dust !

OK so I admit it wasn't really a Redback but it was this real MONSTER !

I sat back down to edit my last post and felt a cold breeze and when Shirley saw me looking around, just before her first snooze of several, asked what was up .

I said that there was a strong cold breeze which was surprising as all the windows were shut and carried on writing.

Shirley came back from inspecting my cleaning project and said that she'd closed the bathroom window as that was the likely source of the cold air.

"Well I'd already closed it when I found it open when I went in to clean the ceiling !" I said, confused !

"Well I didn't open it and in fact haven't even been in there this morning as I used your bathroom  !"

"You used my bathroom ? Why would you do that ?"

"It's closer to the bedroom and if you didn't open it and I certainly didn't then that means it was open all last night and a burglar could have gotten in and taken all or valuables you idiot ! You're in charge of locking the place up at night !"

"I never go in your bathroom so I wouldn't have known the window was open so you should have closed it yourself and so I'm not the idiot am I ?"

"You're always an idiot and if you want any dinner you'd better apologise for calling me one !"

"I don't see why I SHOULD apologise as I didn't actually say you were an idiot did I ?"

"Do you want any dinner or not ?"

"OK ! I'm sorry ! What's for dinner ?"

"I'll tell you what though !" Shirley said as the mood returned to calm...for us anyway, "If neither of us can remember opening the window it's a bit worrying isn't it ?"

"Ah don't worry about it ! We're just getting older that's all ! Hey ! Guess what ? When I went in to clean the ceiling there was a spider weaving a web right across the place so I got rid of it before I started "!

"What did you do with it ? Not down the toilet ? "

"No No ! I put it out the window !"

Perhaps it's the cold that's affecting me or I really am getting old !

Sally-part 145. EGYPT WAS SOMEWHERE I WASN'T GOING TO GO BACK TO !

For those of you who have read EGYPT 2013, EGYPT 2011 or EGYPT 2010, you'll recall that I said that I would never go again as I was really quite scared at being in a Middle Eastern Arab country on the brink of political instability and at the mercy of armed guards should any of them decide to kill me for a bit of fun !

Since then the extremists in Syria and Iraq and elsewhere have shown themselves to be well organised, well armed and determined to sieze power and return the Arab world to a time when every aspect of life was controlled by Clerics.

They have beheaded western journalists and charity workers on video and posted their terror onto the internet for the eyes of those sick enough to watch !

Egyptian politics are in a state of uncertainty and insecurity with masses rioting in the streets of Cairo and....and....and.... WHY would I want to go back again this year !

Of course Sharm El Sheikh is hundreds of miles from any trouble and surrounded by speed bumps, armed police and soldiers and once inside the ring of steel all seems normal !

Of course it IS normal....the charming workers work and the holidaymakers relax .

I hit one or other of my elbows on joints in everyone of those slides as I screamed in fear on each descent !

The fantastic complex, The Royal Albatros Moderne, apparently had five hundred staff and five pools, a major waterslide park, about eight restaurants and a jetty six hundred metres long reaching out to the drop-off point where scuba divers ventured down a hundred feet to see what the snorkellers could easily see about three feet down without the risk of drowning or getting the bends !

The water was crystal clear and as one peered down from the three or four mid stages where ladders into the three feet deep water could be accessed one could easily see down the cleavages of all the lithe Russian supermodels cavorting in the water whilst being photographed by their much older and very podgy Mafia 'boyfriends' !

My son-in-law and I often found ourselves a long way behind our family admiring those podgy 'boyfriends' or discovering that we'd 'left' something on the beach or 'dropped' a towel much further back which meant we had to walk very slowly back to retrieve them !

I did say CRYSTAL clear didn't I ? Here's Derek leading Jack !

It was all Shirley's fault that I returned to Egypt this year because when Gemma told her that she was about to book, I was approached with the sentence, " Are you SURE you don't want to go to Egypt this year ?" "Absolutely NOT !" I replied.
"But you enjoyed it so much last year and I'm not stopping you from going !" "Yes but I promised you that we would spend more time away at the caravan this year and my taking a week away by going with Gemma will ruin two weeks at the caravan because of the flight times!" "Look forget about me !" Shirley groaned in exasperation, "I'll be alright ! Now do you want to go or not ?" (Shirley doesn't go to Egypt as it's too hot for her !) "Absolutely certain!" I repeated, "I'm ignored by everyone anyway, I eat less than a fly, despite the choice of about fifty dishes at every meal and even the little I eat will upset my delicate system whilst there and for weeks after I get back, I can't stand the ten hours from  waking up to arrival, hate flying, hate mosquitoes, feel sick if I accidently swallow even the tiniest drop of the extra salty Red Sea, can't sunbathe for even five minutes without my skin falling off, have to stay alert every waking second to make sure the children aren't falling off something, getting stung by jellyfish, are eating properly, washing their hands after going to the toilet where I'VE wiped their backsides, got sea sick whilst babysitting on dive boats, developed exploding piles riding a hideous Quadbike, been forced to shout out 'EGYPT!" with my eyes shut and whilst standing in the middle of absolutely nowhere under the only tree for a thousand miles so that we could hear an echo ! NO ! I don't want to go back EVER and I can live without Gemma screaming at me to 'GET BACK ON THE F#####G BUS !' when I got off it (leaving an unattended baby with an armed youth) to photograph everyone else riding camels into the 'Bedouin Night' where Daniel, then a few months old and I were 'greeted' by two utterly miserable and badly dressed 'guards' toting machine guns with spare clips in their hands before getting eaten alive by massive red ants! NO NEVER AGAIN !"

I told you the jetty was six hundred metres long and this was just a resting station half way along !

"OK ! Keep your hat on ! I was only asking!" Shirley said, reaching for the phone. "Hello Gemma, your dad definitely doesn't want to go to Egypt ! What ? The Albatross ? With it's own Aqua Park ? Right on the beach ? Fully inclusive Five Star resort you say with everything anyone could ever want ? I'll  tell him ! Hang on ! DAVID !"

I had been hiding behind the door and listening, squeaking with envy at the thought of what I'd be missing out on !

"COMING !" I called out, pretending to have no idea what she was about to say !

"David, the hotel sounds amazing and look, here's the photos and the recommendations on Tripadvisor and you DON'T have to worry about me !"

"OK !" I said in a split second, "I'll go !"

Laurence of Arabia dressed as me leading Jack !

It was fantastic, I LOVED our Camel ride and now I'm wondering which Hotel I'll be forced to go to next year !