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| JUST AN ORDINARY COLONSAY SUNSET TO BE FRANK ! |
We had just lost a couple of days from our holiday in Colonsay as Shirley needed emergency dental aid that cost 49 quid and left her in agony, mostly because she is completely unable to identify where ANY pain comes from, let alone which tooth is in crisis ! So our poor dentist banged, pranged, prodded, squirted and x-rayed every one and gave up, confessing to being totally flummoxed !
As we drove home from his surgery she bit down hard on a humbug and nearly fainting with pain refused to return to him ! " Just drive !" she yelled, "There's no more he could do and I'll just wait til we get back and anyway he's given me a prescription for Antibiotics which I have no intention of taking and as you always find some feeble excuse for taking them yourself, they won't go to waste as you're bound to get manflu when we're away !"
Not only does Shirley not know where any pain comes from she is also totally unticklish which means that we can torture visitors by demonstrating how I can attempt to tickle the soles of her feet without any result except the sight and sounds of the others squirming !
Actually, to tell you the truth, we have NEVER demonstrated this to anyone !
But Shirley is odd!
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| AND A PRETTY ORDINARY SUNSET BACK AT AUCHENLARIE, GATEHOUSE OF FLEET TOO ! |
And as an example, when we got back from our holiday Island we went straight to our static caravan at Auchenlarie in Dumfries and Galloway where I left her for a couple of days whilst I went home to do my market in Newcastle.
When I returned I was just having a short rest after the hundred mile drive when seeing me sag she asked me to peel five potatoes and cut them into the 'correct' size for parboiling and roasting !
Of course I jumped to it and some time later was once again relaxing, full of dinner when, on the point of dropping off at the sound of the theme music for Emmerdale or Corrie or Dallas or Peynton Place, Shirley let out a sudden gulped sob and screamed, " MY PURSE ! IT'S GONE DAVID ! Someone's been in and ignoring everything else has STOLEN it with the fourteen pounds I'd saved from my housekeeping money over the last twelve years and my library card which I never use ! "
" Oh no ! Hang on ! I might just have put it in the oven when I went for a walk ! Ah ! Here it is ! "
And there, melted after being roasted three times sat on the top shelf, at the back over the flames was her purse with the money welded in place for all time, the library card burnt to a cinder and the clasp melted into a Dali watch !
Shirley is always security conscious and whenever we go for a walk around the caravan site in the hot weather she always makes sure I lock the front door despite her insisting that all the windows are left wide open ! " That'll stop anyone intent on stealing my purse !",
When I suggest we just take it with us she gives me one of her and in fact all womens' specials.....a withering stare accompanied by a sad shake of the head and a belt round the ear !
And they say I'M mad !
